how can u be prego again
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
