So drunk its hurt
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
