Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
