i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
