i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
