I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
