Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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