So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
