Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
