remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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