dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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