omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
