I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
