i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
