this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
