If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
