I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
