i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
