you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
