oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
