Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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