it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
