went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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