I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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