WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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