He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
