69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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