is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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