I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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