I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
