it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
