Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
