Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
im on a boat
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