So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
