A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the condom got lost in my hair
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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