I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Blow job season was short but glorious.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
