Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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