i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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