Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
