his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
