By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
