gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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