He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
