I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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