hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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