I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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