i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i will never coherently bang her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
