by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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