Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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