Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
