I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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