The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
this will be a night to untag.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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