I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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