Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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