I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
